


I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

by jasmineisland



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-24
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:50:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmineisland/pseuds/jasmineisland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set AU following On The Head Of a Pin. Used and abused by angels and demons, the Winchesters are farther apart than ever in their own pain. Until Sam is forced to make a decision that changes everything, and Dean finds himself understanding his brother better than Sam ever hoped he would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/1022)

 

 

 

Title: I've Never Seen Things From Your Side  
This was for the mini-bang over at [](http://samdean-otp.livejournal.com/profile)[ **samdean_otp**](http://samdean-otp.livejournal.com/)  
 **Author** : [](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/profile)[**jasmineisland**](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/)  
 **Artist** : [](http://heardtheowl.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://heardtheowl.livejournal.com/)**heardtheowl**  


 **Genre:** Wincest  
 **Pairing** : Sam/Dean  
 **Rating:** Hard R  
 **Wordcount:** 18,000  
 **Warnings:** If you’ve come this far, you’ve covered them. Wincest.  
 **Summary:** Set AU following On The Head Of a Pin. Used and abused by angels and demons, the Winchesters are farther apart than ever in their own pain. Until Sam is forced to make a decision that changes everything, and Dean finds himself understanding his brother better than Sam ever hoped he would.  
  
Once again, a huge thanks to my poor- defenseless in the face of my 'check it out', 'look it over', 'what do you think' harrassment- beta-reader [](http://spnlvr76.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://spnlvr76.livejournal.com/)**spnlvr76**. She could have written her own big bang for all the texts, tweets, and other notes I've prodded out of her. LOL Thanks, Karen!  
  
And my artist. OMG. I'm in LOVE LOVE LOVE with her artwork. Make sure you check it out.  
  
Artwork [HERE](http://heard-the-owl.livejournal.com/36697.html)  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Staring at his unconscious brother hooked up to twenty machines, again, the tension in Sam’s body pulled every muscle taunt and he was actually trembling from the strain. All the power flowing through him and there wasn’t a fucking thing he could do to help. As with just about everything else in his life, everything he’d done was too little, too late. He’d found out that Lillith wasn’t behind the angel murders, he’d saved Cas, and, the best part, he’d basically annihilated the demon that had destroyed his brother. But any feeling of satisfaction Sam was feeling for at least getting revenge on the son of a bitch was overshadowed by the cold hard fact that he’d been too late to stop him from tearing Dean apart again.

  
This sight of Castiel at the door to Dean’s room sent as much anger through Sam as it did hope. Finally someone that could help his brother. Even if it was the same being that put him there in the first place.

“Sam-“ Cas started.

“Get in there and heal him. Miracle. Now!” The hunter’s tone left no room for argument.

“I can’t.”

“You and Uriel put him in there.”

“No-“

“Because you can’t keep a simple devils’ trap put together.” Sam continued as if the angel hadn’t spoken.

“I don’t know what happened. That devil’s trap shouldn’t have broken. I am sorry.”

“This whole thing was pointless. Do you understand that? The demons aren’t doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers.”

“Perhaps Alastair was lying.”

“No. He wasn’t.” Turning his back on the angel in dismissal , Sam headed back to Dean’s room. If he couldn’t fix Dean, Sam had no use for Cas. For a moment, Sam actually wished he’d left the angel to Alastair. Or that he could rip the angel from his vessel and crush him. He could almost feel whatever faith he’d still had in the angel literally seep from him.    

Upon returning to Dean’s room, Sam was disappointed to see that there was still no change. He hadn’t had much time to look around when he’d dealt with the demon, but he’d seen enough. Those fucking angels had pushed his brother into a corner, and he’d gone to a place in his head Sam was sure he’d never wanted to go again. Another surge of anger ripped through his body and he felt his frame tremble in response. A sharp rattle captured his attention and he opened his eyes to see in time to see the pitcher of water literally rattle off the table and crash to the floor. It took him a second to realize that everything in the room was shaking. It had been years, and the only thing that had ever triggered the telekinesis was Dean in danger. Apparently that hadn’t changed. Only there was nothing for him to direct his power towards and if he couldn’t control it he could actually endanger his brother. Fear gripped the hunter and he fled from the room.

Seeing the hunter run from the room, Cas took the chance to go into Dean’s room. The older Winchester was staring into space and did not respond when the angel sat in the chair.

“Are you alright?” Cas wasn’t familiar with pleasantries, but he knew that was one of the questions the Winchesters asked each other the most.

“No thanks to you.”

A hint of something Sam would call guilt passed through Cas as he remembered the  younger Winchester’s words. “You need to be more careful.”

“You need to learn how to manage a damn devil’s trap.” Another echo of Sam once again reminded the angel that they were, indeed, brothers. But it was irrelevant to Cas’s current situation.

“That’s not why I’m here. Uriel is dead.”

“Was it the demons?”

“It was disobedience.” Hesitating, Cas decided to disclose the truth. “He was working against us.”

After a moment of silence, Dean decided he had to know. “Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?”

“Yes.” He had to turn away from the hunters broken expression. “When we discovered Lillith’s plan for you we laid siege to hell. We fought our way to get to you before-“

“I jump started the Apocalypse.” The knowledge was too much for Dean and he refused to face the angel.

Staring at the ceiling as if asking for guidance, Cas continued. “But we were too late.”

“Why didn’t you just leave me there then?”

“It’s not blame that falls on  you, Dean. It’s fate.” The angel couldn’t bring himself to see the effect his words were having on the hunter. “The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it.” Finally he turned to face Dean. “You have to stop it.”

“Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean?” When Cas was silent, Dean grew angry. “Hey! Don’t you go disappearing on me you son of a bitch.”

“I don’t know.”

“Bull!” If the Winchester could have, he would have gotten out of the bed and stormed out.

“I don’t. Dean, they don’t tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.”

“Well then you guys are screwed. I can’t do it Cas. It’s too big. Alastair was right.” Dean was breaking and once the wall fell, there was nothing to hold back the emotion. “I’m not all here, I’m not strong enough.” Cas didn’t answer and Dean almost snorted. “Well I guess I’m not the man either of our dads wanted us to be. Find someone else. It’s not me.”

For a few minutes, they were both silent. But there was another reason for Cas’s visit, and he knew Sam would be returning shortly. “There is one more thing.”

“Want me to end global warming or create world peace?”

“Your brother.”

“If this is going to be a lecture about him, I’ve heard it before.”

“He killed Alastair.”

“Good.” Dean sniffed. “Hope he sent that bastard so far down into hell he’ll never make it back.”

“No, you misunderstand. He killed one of the most powerful demons we’ve seen this side of hell in centauries.”

That broke through the devastation that was now Dean Winchester. The shock evident on his face, he turned to the angel. “Killed?”

“More like ripped apart. Whatever is making your brother stronger-“

“Don’t. Don’t tell me the fate of the world is on me then threaten my brother. Your issues with Sam are your issues.” There was too much going around in Dean’s head. It was too big. “Get out.”

“Dean, Sam is-“

“Get out, Cas. I’ve heard enough.”

Realizing that he was not going to be heard, Cas disappeared.  

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/1097)

When Sam returned to his brother’s room, his breath caught in his throat. Dean’s eyes were open.

“Dean?”

No response. Flat eyes stared at the wall as if Sam had never appeared nor spoke. Another surge of anger passed through Sam when he realized the lines on the older man’s face were actually tear tracks. “Dean?” Moving to the bed, he reached for Dean’s hand. When that hand was literally yanked out of his grasp with as much strength as the hurt hunter could manage, it cut Sam to his core. Not knowing about Castiel’s latest revelation regarding the seals, Sam assumed the gesture was aimed at him. He didn’t know how much Dean remembered about what happened after Alastair got out of the trap. Apparently he remembered a lot.

“I…” Sam’s voice caught. “I’ll call a doctor.”

“No.” The answering voice was barely more than a whisper. “Leave me alone.” The reaction Sam would have when he found out his brother had broken the first seal was too much for Dean. He just wanted to be alone. 

“I can’t.” The only thing Sam wanted in the entire world was to take his brother’s hand again. But he kept his hands clasped in front of him. “I have to tell the doctor you’re awake.”

“Go away, Sam.” The words were whispered, but the effect they shattered what little control Sam had left.

Tears in his eyes, he shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t leave you, Dean. Don’t do this. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apologies, Sam.” Trying to sit up, Dean glared at him. “I want you to leave-“ His voice cut off and he choked.

Pushing the call button, Sam was headed for the door when he heard his brother gag. The sight of blood running out of his mouth sent Sam into a panic.

A swarm of medical personnel converged in Dean’s room, ushering Sam into the hallway. For the next twenty minutes, Sam paced. His mind was racing. Dean’s order to leave echoed in his mind. The condition his brother was in, he was not about to challenge him. But he couldn’t leave until he knew what was going on and if Dean was going to be okay. His mind raced through the last time he was with Dean, Pamela’s funeral, Uriel and Cas taking him. Once again, he felt the anger at the angels threatening to overtake him. Yes, it was his use of his power to kill Alastair that had driven the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. But it was the angels that put him in that position in the first place. Closing his eyes, Sam leaned back against the wall.

“Sir?”

The tall hunter had been so lost in thought he hadn’t realized the doctor was standing right in front of him.

 “What happened?”

 “It appears there was a bleeder in his thoracic cavity that we missed.”

“So fix it.”

“We intend to. There is a problem.”

“What?” Sam’s voice rose. He felt like the doctor was playing twenty questions with his brother’s life.

“When he arrived, he was hemorrhaging profusely. We needed over twelve units of blood during the first surgery.”

“And? Would you get to the point?”

“We’re not a large hospital, Mr. Roberts, we simply don’t have an endless blood supply.”

“You’re telling me you’re out of blood??”

“There is more coming. But it won’t be here until tomorrow.”

“And Dean can’t wait that long, right?”

“We’d like to have at least five pints on hand before we open him up again. We’re giving him one now, but it’s just not going to be enough. What blood type are you?”

Just as Sam opened his mouth to tell the doctor that they could take as much of his as they needed, he stopped. Demon blood. Shit. “I’m not sure.”

“I can type you and see, if you’re willing.”

It would buy him some time. And if nothing showed up on their tests, maybe it would be okay. “Fine. How much will you need?”

“Ideally, we’d like to have platelets and blood on hand, but it’s not a good idea.”

“Why?” Back to twenty questions.

“It’s not good for the donor.”

“For me?” Like he’d care what it did to him to save Dean.

“Let’s get you typed and see if it’s even an option. I’ll tell you that if we take what I would like to have ready, it would leave you very drained.” The doctor had the good grace to wince. “No pun intended. I’d have to admit you.”

Sam wouldn’t agree to that, but cross that bridge…… “I’d be out of commission for how long?”

“Probably several hours. Depending on how fast we can get fluids in to replenish.”

Okay, that would leave Dean unprotected, but still, better then dead. “When you type, you also test, right?”

“Is there something we should be aware of?” The doctor looked at him as if he’d just admitted to Hepatitis C.

“Not that I know of.” Sam shook his head. “I just…… I haven’t been entirely……” It came to him. “Careful. With….” A blush creeped up the hunter’s cheeks. “Sexual partners.”

“Hopefully it won’t be a problem, other than you should be careful in the future. We’ll run all the standard tests, and if anything is out of the ordinary, I’ll let you know and we’ll go from there.”

“Fine.” Sam really didn’t believe anything to do with demon blood would show up in a standard test, but right now he really wasn’t sure what to do. He knew his type would come back a match to Dean and he’d have to decide.

Only there was no decision. Whatever the consequences, Sam would do anything to save Dean’s life.


	3. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/1559)

Dean had been out of it since he’d sent Sam running in a panic from the room. Staring at his phone, Sam decided that other measures had to be employed to make sure his brother stayed safe when he would be unable to defend him. Another thing Dean would hate him for, but at least hopefully he’d be alive to do it.

Voicemail. Shit. “Ruby, I’m at the hospital with Dean. if you don’t call me back in the next five minute, I WILL summon you to a fucking trap. Got it?”

It wasn’t even two minutes before the demon entered the room, glaring at Sam. “What’s with the threats, Sam?”

“Shut up. I need your help.” The only thing he cared about at that moment was his brother, and he wasn’t  going to mix words with her.

“I’m not your beck and call girl, so don’t-“ Her voice cut off when Sam gripped her by the hair and dragged her close.

“Not in the mood. I’m about to be out of commission for a few hours, and you’re going to stay here and made damn sure nothing happens to either of us. Got it?”

“Out of commission?”

Releasing the demon, Sam moved closer to his brother’s bed. “I’m gonna have to donate a shit load of blood and plateletts for his surgery.”

“Donate blood? You lost your mind?” Ruby shook her head. “Do you have any idea what it could do-“

“No. I don’t have any idea what kind of reaction he could have. Nobody does, including you, so don’t start with me. I’ve donated blood for him before, nothing’s ever happened. And I’ve had demon blood since I was six months old.”

“You weren’t dosing yourself, either, Sam. Maybe this isn’t-“

With a glance, Sam actually pinned her to the wall. “No options, Ruby. Now you’re going to listen.” He kept his words were low and left no question to the threatening nature as he moved closer to her. “I know you won’t let anything happen to me. I’m the blue ribbon at the science fair for you, and you’re very protective of your pet project.”

“Sam-“ Her throat suddenly closed from pressure and she stared at the man now towering over her from about a foot away.

“I said shut up. You think I don’t know you’re working me? Just because you try to suck my brains out through my dick doesn’t mean you’re actually doing it. I know there’s more to this for you- some other reason you want Lillith dead.  And you’ll stand here while I’m out and you’ll kill anything that threatens me. Because all your hard work would go to waste if I dropped dead on  you now.” His face was now only a few inches away, his eyes boring into hers leaving no room for the demon to misunderstand. “But you’re going to watch out for Dean while I can’t, too. Because I promise  you, if anything – anything- happens to my brother? I swear to you that I’ll make the centauries you spent in hell seem like a summer vacation. And forget hiding, Ruby. Hell won’t be far enough for you to get away from me, I. Will. Come. For. You. The world can fucking burn with Lillith lighting the match for all I care if he dies. You will be the first thing I hunt.”

“Okay.” Actually fearing Sam for the first time, Ruby nodded. “Nothing touches either of you.”

Nodding, Sam released her. “Come here.” Opening the small closet door, Sam pointed to the design he’d drawn in blood on the back of the door. “If any angel- including Cas- comes near the door? This will get rid of them.”

“Got it. Send angels to Oz if they get close.”

“And kill any demons.”

“Kill any demons. What about hunters? Am I allowed to kill them, too?” Not killing humans had been a source of contention between them since Sam first agreed to work with Ruby.

“Only if they’re trying to hurt Dean.” Sam stared at her. “I mean it, Ruby. No one knows we’re here, so that shouldn’t even be an issue.”

“Fine. How long are you going to be out of commission?”

“At least a few hours. Doctor said he’d go over it with me after they typed and tested my blood.”

“I could give you a pick me up first-“

“No.” Shaking his head, Sam moved back to the chair and sat down. “I’m already scared of what this will do to him. Not giving him a fresh dose.” He ran his hands through his hair. “After. Get me back on my feet. I have to be ready for anything.”

“Whatever.” Ruby leaned against the wall. “So when does all this happen?”

“Soon, I’m waiting now for-“ The door opened, and the doctor entered.

“Good news. You’re a match. And all the tests came back-“ He saw Ruby and stopped.

Standing, Sam gestured to the demon. “This is our cousin, Ruby. She’s going to hang around for a while. And she knows what’s going on.”

“Good. Everything’s ready to go. I’d like to get  you admitted and into a room-“

“No. I’m staying here.”

“Sam, I know you’re worried, but-“

“I’ll let you admit me, if you insist, but I don’t leave my brother’s room.” Moving to the foot of Dean’s bed, Sam stared at the unconscious man. “He was attacked, and I wasn’t around to…… No. Not leaving him alone.”

Understanding, the doctor nodded. “You’ll have to go to the lab for about an hour and a half for the platelet donation. But I’ll have a bed brought in here, we can do the blood donation from here, and you’ll be here when Dean comes out of surgery.”

“Thank you.”

With a promise that the nurses would be in shortly with the admission papers, Sam pulled his phone out again. This time he called Bobby.

“Where in the hell have you been?” When they left Pamela’s funeral, they were supposed to let Bobby know which direction they decided to head. He’d asked them to come back to his house and was waiting on a decision.

“Funny you should put it that way. Fucking angels and more of their bullshit.” Quickly Sam filled Bobby in on the bare minimum details of Dean being taken, Alastair’s torture, and completely glossed over his part in bringing Dean back. Then he explained Dean’s current condition.

“I know you well enough to know there’s a Grand Canyon full of shit you’re not telling me, boy. But there’s time for that. I’ll be there by morning.”

“Thanks, Bobby. Dean’s going to need you.”

That pinged Bobby’s Winchester Radar loud and clear. “Why? You got plans?”

Tears came to Sam’s eyes again and he sighed. “You’re right. Grand Canyon you don’t know. Bottom line is that Dean told me to leave and-“ His throat tightened and he couldn’t speak around the sudden lump.

“Sam, we’ll figure it out, son. Dean will figure it out. Focus on getting him out of the woods and we’ll go from there. This is still from that damn Siren, isn’t it.”

“Partly.” He really didn’t want to get into how he used his powers to kill Alastair in front of Dean. “I saved him, Bobby. I got him back. Saved Cas, too. Not that the angels give a shit. Not going to apologize for how I did it.”

The hysteria crept back into Sam’s voice and Bobby knew he had to stop it. “Whatever you did, I’m sure you did it for Dean. Now you calm down and do what the doctor says. I’ll be there in the morning.”

“Thanks, Bobby.” The call ended just as the nurse entered the room.  
  
  



	4. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/2183)

Three hours later, a nurse was standing next to Sam’s bed with a tray full of needles and collection tubes. The platelet donation had left Sam wanting a nap more than anything else, but he watched her get ready to draw blood.

“You need to drink the juice your cousin brought.”

Sure enough, there was a gallon of orange juice sitting next to him on the tray. “Okay.”

“I’m not really comfortable taking this much blood right after a platelet donation, but-“

“But Dean needs it.” Sam finished. “I’ll be fine.”

“You’re going to be very tired. I’m going to open the IV to replenish as quickly as we can, but it won’t help the fact that you won’t be able to get up on your own for a while.”

“Look,” Sam sighed. “See this?” He showed the nurse a scar on his side. “Biker with a knife in Tulsa. Lost more blood from it then you’re taking now. I lived.” Close enough. There had been a fight with a biker. But it had been a poltergeist job that put them in Tulsa to begin with. And had left the scar from eighteen stitches Dean had carefully sewn into him.

“You were lucky.”

“Not if you consider the fact that I only got in the knife fight because my brother screwed a biker’s girlfriend.” That part was also true. Sam had stepped in to keep his brother from being caught with his pants down. Literally.

Now the nurse smiled. “Sounds like you’ve bled for your brother before.”

“Anytime he needs me to.” Sam sighed, missing those days more than he could ever tell anyone. The days of poltergeists, pissed off boyfriends and Wendigos and hustles gone wrong. Kicking ass or getting their asses kicked. Simple. No angels, deals, demons, or plots to bring on the Apocalypse. Arguments that didn’t last a full day, fights that one or two punches solved, and the thought that they would be separated would stop both of them from breathing for a moment or two. The room seemed to spin and his eyes filled with tears.

“You okay? A little dizziness is normal.” When he turned his head away from her, she smiled. “Getting a bit emotional is also normal. It messes with your head. Just drink the juice and you’ll feel better.”

Before he even registered that it was over, the nurse picked up her tray. “Just get some sleep. They will be up shortly to take Dean to surgery, and you should be awake before he gets back.”

As soon as the nurse was gone, Ruby appeared in his line of vision. “You ready for a pick me up?” She held up the flask. “Best way to do it here.”

Sam shook his head, immediately regretting it. “Not until I’m sure he’s out of surgery and they don’t need more blood.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Don’t go anywhere.”

“I know Sam. I got the message.”

Everything went black.

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/2572)  


  


The next time Sam opened his eyes, Ruby approached him. “Better?”

“Drink.” Gulping the offered juice, his eyes traveled around the room, settling on Dean, peacefully sleeping in the next bed.

“According to the doctor, he came through, but used almost everything they had on hand for him. He’ll come in as soon as you’re awake, but the gist is he’s okay. He woke up a bit when they came in to check on him, but I stayed out of his sight. They said he’d be more alert when he woke up next time.”

“Good. Time?”

“’bout eight. You’ve been in and out of it for about ten hours this time.”

“Ten hours?!” Sitting up, Sam put his hands on the bed to steady himself. “They said a few hours.”

“Doc came in and looked you over, too. Said you’re too freakin’ skinny for how tall you are, you’re run down, and probably weren’t doing all that great before they vamped out on you.”

“Seriously doubt he used the word vamped.”

“Whatever.” Ruby shrugged. “End result is the same. You need food and sleep. Hit you harder because you haven’t been taking care of  yourself.”

When the tall, apparently too skinny, man tried to stand, he actually wobbled. Cursing at him, Ruby reached around his waist and held him up on his feet. “What the fuck, Sam? Sit down. You can see him from here.”

“Gotta take a leak.” For once, Sam was actually grateful for the demon’s strength. He would have faceplanted if she hadn’t been able to support almost his entire weight. At the bathroom door, he stepped away from her. “Be out in a sec.”

“No problem.”

The doctor entered the room and Ruby pushed the bathroom door open a crack. “Sam?”

“God dammit, Ruby! I said I’d be right out.”

Even as her eyes flashed black, she shoved the door open a few inches. “I was just gonna tell you the doctor’s here, asshole. That was low. Even for you.”

It took the doctor a few seconds to convince himself that the woman’s eyes turning black had been a trick of the lighting as he turned away from the bathroom and looked at Dean. He heard a whispered, completely insincere apology before the door opened again and the younger brother was headed across the room, leaning on the cousin that had appeared out of nowhere yesterday. The doctor, already unnerved by the way her eyes had appeared to go completely black, was telling himself that there was no way the small woman was holding as much of the man’s weight as she appeared to be.

“How is he?” Reaching the bed, Sam sat down and looked up at the doctor.

“As I told your cousin, the surgery went well. There was a tear that we missed, but I believe he created more damage when he tried to move.”

“Tried to move? When did he try to move?”

“He had another visitor yesterday, and he was quite agitated when they left.” The doctor stared intently at Sam. “I thought you were in here with them.”

“No, I wasn’t. Do you know what he looked like?”

“Short- well not short, but short compared to you. Dark hair-“

“Trenchcoat?”

“I guess. Tan.” The doctor regarded Sam carefully. “Is he the-“

“No. But he’s not exactly one of my favorite ang-people right now.” Once again, Sam’s anger threatened to overtake him. Castiel. Again. The room started to spin again and Sam reached for Ruby to anchor himself.

“You need to take it easy. You won’t be able to jump up and run around the room for a day or so.”

“Do you need more?”

The doctor shook his head. “Doesn’t look like it. I wouldn’t take more of your blood for at least twenty-four hours anyway-“

“If he needs it-“

“Sam.” Moving closer, the doctor checked his pulse. “You don’t look much better then Dean at the moment. You need to rest.”

“What I need is to make sure my brother is okay.”

“He is stable. His blood pressure is holding, and I’m convinced we got everything. Even if something does come up, the additional blood will be here shortly.”

Sam nodded and his eyes met the doctor’s evenly. “Thank you.”

“I did what I could. Your brother is partly responsible. He’s a fighter.” He checked Sam’s vitals. “You seem to be more aware then the nurses reported last night. I’ll get your release papers ready.”

Once the doctor was gone, Sam pointed to his clothes. “Hand me my clothes before you take off.”

“Anything else I can do for you?” The sarcasm was almost dripping from Ruby’s words. “Wash them for you? Maybe sew up the holes?”

“Not in the mood, Ruby. I’m tired and Bobby will be here any minute. You need to be gone when he gets here.” Wiping his eyes, he sighed. “Dammit, I can’t think straight.”

“This will help.” She offered him the flask.

At first he flinched, but, knowing what was after them, he realized he needed to be on top of his game. Ruby had to leave, Bobby wasn’t there yet, and Dean……. Reaching out, he took the flask and quickly drank from it.

“Take care of yourself, Sam. Call me if you need anything.”

Before Sam could even answer her she was gone. Pushing his hair back off his face, Sam realized he already felt stronger. Getting dressed, he sat down in a chair and watched his brother.


	5. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/2894)

  


Bobby pushed the door open slowly and looked around. Before he could say a word, Sam was on his feet at the foot of Dean’s bed, with a look that told Bobby in no uncertain terms that if he hadn’t been a friend, he would be dead already.

“Just me, boy. How’s-“ Sam’s arms were wrapped around him, clinging to him like a lifeline. The trembles running through the taunt muscles told the older hunter just how bad it had been. Taking a moment, he returned the kid’s embrace.

After another moment, Sam pulled away, momentarily embarrassed by his knee-jerk reaction to seeing their almost-father.

“You’ve had a rough one, Sam. Now fill me in.”

Shoving a chair towards Bobby, Sam sat on the empty bed and turned to Dean. “They almost killed him, Bobby. I just…..” Unable to talk, he shook his head and wiped his eyes.

The door opened again, and Sam tensed. A nurse entered and looked at the two men as if she knew she’d interrupted something. Quickly she checked the various machines around the older Winchester. “His vitals are good. He should wake up sometime today.”

“Good.” Sam cleared his throat. “Jenny, this is our uncle, Bobby.”

Nodding to the hunter, she looked back at Sam. “Your cousin gone?”

“Yeah. She had things to do. I asked her to stick around until our uncle got here.” A sigh escaped him. “If she was rude, or said something to offend you, I apologize. She’s not exactly known for tact or manners.” He avoided Bobby’s questioning glance.

“No, she was pretty quiet, from what I heard. Little pitbullish about the two of you during rounds, but not really nasty. Now let me take a look at you.”

“Doctor said I’d get my walking papers shortly.”

“And you are.” Taking his wrist gently, the nurse checked his pulse. “But last night wasn’t easy for you, either. You really need to start taking care of yourself.” A pointed look at Bobby accompanied her next words. “He’s way too thin for his size. I know he’s worried, but he needs to take care of himself. For the next few days he’ll probably be tired, and he was already exhausted.”

“He’s right here.” Sam grumbled, but there was no real heat behind it.

“Sorry,” But she really wasn’t and both men could tell. “I’m just stressing to your uncle that you need to get some rest and start eating more to keep your strength up.”

“I’ll see to it he gets some food in him.” Bobby smiled at the nurse and watched her leave the room. The second she was gone, he was on his feet and crossing the room to Sam. “Release papers? Cousin? Start talking.”

“Dean needed blood. Platelets, plasma, all that shit. So they took mine.”

“Lots of it from the sound of it.”

“I’m fine, Bobby. But the doctor insisted on admitting me to he could pump me full of fluids and watch me overnight.”

“And the cousin?”

Sam shrugged. “Ruby. I needed someone who could handle anything that came through the door last night, with both of us out of it.”

“Wait one minute. You trusted Ruby to protect the two of you while you were both out of it?” The older hunter’s voice raised.

“Bobby,” Sighing again, Sam stared at Bobby, his eyes begging the man to understand. “Ruby and I have a…… mutually useful relationship. I can’t find Lillith without her, and” His eyes turned to a deadly glare. “and she can’t kill Lillith without me. And she. Will. Die.” The glare was gone and he shrugged. “So it was a matter of……. _Persuading_ Ruby that if something happened to Dean while I was out of it killing her would be right at the top of my to do list.”

“I guess she got the message.”

“Loud and clear.” Sam sighed. “It wasn’t  Ruby that did this, Bobby. Fucking Cas.” Shaking his head, he turned to Bobby. “I know he pulled Dean out of hell, when I couldn’t. I’ll always be grateful to him for that. But this? They took him, Bobby. They set him up and almost let him get killed.” Anger took over again and Sam tried to pace. “And they won’t help him now. Worst part? If they needed him, they’d come in here, heal him and fucking take him. But since they don’t NEED him right this second? Fuck him. Let him suffer.” Tears followed and he wiped his eyes. “I gotta tell you, I’ve had a few points over the last two days where I wish I’d left him to Alastair. He had Cas. White light, grace, whatever the fuck it was being dragged out. But he’s still the one who saved Dean when I couldn’t. So I stopped it. I killed the son of a bitch, got their answers for them, but they don’t give a damn. Let him lie here like this. And they still want me dead.”

“If they want you dead so bad, why aren’t you? Come on, Sam. Not like any of us could stop them.”

“The only reason I’m still breathing is Dean. Remember when I was a kid and he’d say I was a fucking pain in the ass, but I was HIS pain in the ass and nobody was going to kick my ass but him?” Both men almost smiled before Sam continued. “No, they put up with me for the same reason most people have always put up with me. Dean. He might be pissed at me, he might even hate me, but he still wouldn’t cooperate with the assholes that send me to hell. And they know it.” Sitting down on the bed, he looked at his brother. “Not so sure about stopping them. I took out Alastair. Maybe I could get strong enough to take out an angel.”

Not liking where Sam’s thoughts were going, he approached the younger man and gripped his shoulder. “Don’t go up against angels, son. Won’t end well on anyone’s side.”

“Dean would never forgive me, Bobby. Cas is his best friend these days.” A twinge of jealousy crept into the man’s voice and he shook his head. “Guess it’s a stalemate on both sides.” Running his hands through his hair, Sam sighed. “Now we see where I stand with Dean when he wakes up.”

Not missing the tone of Sam’s voice, Bobby turned to the unconscious form on the bed. “Whatever has gone on between you two, wherever Cas fits in, you’re still his kid brother.”

“You didn’t hear him. He told me to leave, Bobby. I did what I had to. I fucking did it, I’m not sorry for it, either.” Hazel eyes met the older hunter’s, almost silently begging him to understand. “I used Ruby to find him and I tore Alistair apart. The only thing I’m sorry for is that it took so god damn long.”

“He’s here, Sam. And if you’re right, it’s only because of you. So whatever the fallout is, you’ll both deal with it.”

A sudden change in the equipment around Dean brought Sam to his side immediately. “Dean?”

Watching his older brother’s eyes move around under his eyelids, Sam reached down and took the hand that was lying still on the bed. “Dean? Come on, man, open up. Look at me.”

After what felt like hours to Sam, green eyes finally met his. “Sam?”

“Yeah.” Smiling, Sam reached for the call button. As he summoned a nurse, Dean pulled his hand away again and he stopped.

Everything came rushing back to Dean. Seals, powers, fate. And with it came the desire to be left alone. “Told you to go.”

Before Sam could answer, a nurse entered the room. “You’re awake. Good. Let’s get your vitals and see how you’re doing.”

While the nurse examined Dean, the younger brother escaped to the bathroom. Bobby’s eyes shot from the closed door to Dean and back. He considered asking Sam to step out so he could get to the bottom of what was going on in the older boy’s mind, but the damage it was going to do was probably borderline catastrophic right now.

The nurse, completely unaware of the tension in the room, proceeded to examine Dean. “You’re vitals are actually better than we expected.”

“Great.”

Ignoring the flat tone, she continued. “Where’s your cousin? She seemed really worried about the two of you. Protective from what I heard from the night shift.”

“Cousin?” Dean’s eyes shifted around the room but only showed confusion when the landed on Bobby.

Standing, Bobby was about to interrupt the nurse before she dropped a live grenade between his boys, but Dean’s expression changed and the older hunter knew it had just gone off.

“You’re blood pressure is perfect. Temperature is down, stitches are healing nicely. Looks like you’re already started to heal faster than we expected.” She laughed softly. “Guess you’re brother’s blood worked magic on you.”

Dean was nearly completely ignoring her, anger building at his brother over Ruby, but that stopped him and he stared at her intently. “My brother’s WHAT?”

“He saved your life, sweetie. Took a lot more then we’d really like, wiped the poor kid out. But it seems to have done the trick for you.” The bathroom door opened and the nurse turned to see Sam exiting. “And how about you? Feeling better?”

“Yes.” His voice was low, and his eyes were everywhere except the figure lying on the bed.

“Take it easy. It’s going to take you a few days to recover.”

“I’m fine.”

Still smiling, the nurse left. For a split second, Bobby was tempted to follow her, his desire to escape the explosion that was about to take place overridden only by his desire to try to fix the devastation he saw on the faces in front of him.

For a long minute, hazel eyes met green ones and they were both silent.

“Dean, I-“

“Ruby? You had that bitch here?”

“Dean, can you just-“

“Can’t go without?”

“We needed her here-“

“No, Sam, YOU needed her here. Should I check my blanket? Did you fuck her on the foot of my bed or did you at least drag her in the bathroom-“

“I didn’t-“

“You didn’t think, is what you did. You can’t think I’d be okay with her here when I don’t even want YOU here.”

“Dean, I-“

“No, Sam. I told you before. Get out.”

Bobby stood, realizing that he needed to find a way to intervene, but not knowing what to do.

“Can we just-“ Sam tried again, but Dean cut him off.

“GET THE FUCK OUT!”

A force hit Sam, and he felt himself literally flying into the wall hard enough to dent it with his frame.

Drawing his gun, Bobby stared around the room. “What the hell?”

“It’s Dean.” There was no question in Sam’s mind what was going on. His brother was using the power that Sam had inadvertently given him to pin him to the wall. Instinctively, he knew he could get free, but the last thing he wanted to do was start some sort of psychic battle with his brother.

A look of horror crossed Dean’s face and he tried to sit up. Shaking off Bobby’s hand trying to still him, he glared at his brother. “What the fuck did you do to me?”

The hold broke and Sam almost fell when his feet hit the floor suddenly. “I didn’t have a choice! The doctor said he wouldn’t operate if I didn’t-“

“If you didn’t turn me into a fucking demonic freak like you?!” A voice in the back of Dean’s mind immediately told him how much he needed to take back those words, but he was too tired and angry at everything to consider it.

The shock, followed by hurt crossing the younger Winchester’s face actually broke Bobby’s heart. Watching him literally run from the room, he turned to Dean.

Deliberately avoiding Bobby’s stare, Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The fear that gripped him when he felt himself send his brother into the wall left him shaking. Sam hadn’t deliberately done this to him, he knew that as well as he knew his own name. He also knew how deep that verbal knife had torn into the kid’s heart. But the only thing he could actually concentrate on was the fact that he’d get some breathing room from the desperate plea in those hazel eyes to fix everything. He couldn’t fix himself, much less the utter destruction he saw every time he looked at his kid brother.

For a long moment, Bobby stared silently at the broken man in front of him. He knew anything he said at that moment regarding Sam would just be brushed off and ignored. Hoping Sam would forgive him, the older hunter decided that in order to fix the younger brother, he had to fix the older one first. Problem was, he just didn’t know where to start.

“Dean-“

“Don’t. Just don’t, Bobby. You don’t know what-“ His voice broke, and he finished with a whisper. “You just don’t know.”

“I know you need to calm down before you bust those stitches and they have to cut you open again, son.” Keeping his voice low and gentle, Bobby approached Dean much like he’d approach a wounded animal. “Everything else, we can deal with when you’re better.”

“Nothing is going to get better. THAT’S what you don’t know.” Tears came and Dean suddenly felt a wave of emotion that he couldn’t fight. For a few seconds he actually couldn’t breathe under the force of what he was feeling.

A few seconds of Dean not breathing was all it took for Bobby to panic. Hitting the call button, he stood next to the bed and literally begged his boy to breathe. A nurse appeared just as the hunter finally took a breath, wincing at the resulting pain. Tremors ran through his body, and all the begging, pleading, and outright ordering couldn’t help him fight the sense of loss and hurt that were drowning him.  



	6. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/4031)

  


The automatic doors didn’t open fast enough and Sam nearly tore one off the hinges getting out of the hospital. All the times Dean had tried to convince him that he wasn’t a freak, that the blood he’d been forcefed as an infant didn’t  make him a demon- it was all lies. His brother knew what he was. He always had. His chest was constricting until he was unable to draw a breath, but the tall hunter continued to try to run from the words echoing in his head.

**_Demonic Freak_ **

**_Demonic Freak_ **

**_Demonic Freak_ **

It was like a recorder stuck on repeat in Sam’s head. Dean’s voice, accusing and condemning him for something he’d never chosen for himself. He was almost off the hospital property before he finally remembered how defenseless he’d just left his brother. No matter what Dean thought of him Sam was not going to leave him lying in a hospital bed with demons wanting to kill him and angels wanting to use him. Bending over, he forced himself to draw a breath. When his vision actually grayed and the world tilted, he dropped to his knees. Part of his mind knew it was from lack of oxygen, but his heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest. His thoughts were going what felt like a hundred miles a minute, and he wondered how many times Dean had looked him right in the eyes and lied to him about how he felt. His brother, who had warned him that the angels were going to stop him if he didn’t stop himself. The same  brother who had said if he didn’t know Sam he’d hunt him. His brother, who had ridiculed him for praying and believing in a God that he know knew had washed his hands of Sam nine and a half years before he was born. Ironically, it was Dean that now condemned Sam because the angels told him to. Those same angels who had left him to Alastair.

Demons and Angels. Finally able to breathe, Sam felt a spark of anger in his chest at the thought of them. And like any good Winchester, he pushed the hurt down and fanned that anger. Fuck all of them. Taking his phone out of his pocket, Sam made a decision.

When Ruby answered, Sam’s voice was flat and angry. “I’m done fucking around.”

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/4210)

Bobby watched Dean sleep. The nurse had been forced to sedate the hunter, and she had given him enough to keep him under for a couple hours. He debated looking for Sam, knowing even as he thought about it he wouldn’t be able to fix what Dean had ripped apart in the younger Winchester. The only thing he could do was stand by and hope he could help them clean up the fallout from this last round.

  
[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/4487)   


“Sam, this might not be the best plan.” Ruby watched the door to Dean’s room warily.

“Bad plans are my specialty, remember? Not seeing a choice, here, Ruby.” He was ready to take on pretty much anything that threatened his brother at this point. It was all he had left. “I’m not going in his room, but I’m not leaving him here on his own, either.”

“I’m not thrilled about being here. If one of the angels come back-“

“Then get the fuck out. I’ll call when I need you.”

“Nice, Sam. Fuck you, too.”

“You did. I’m done. Keep your phone handy.” Turning from her, Sam entered the hospital. Exiting the elevator on the floor where Dean’s room was, he moved to a small waiting area and shoved the chair to the edge of the wall where he could see the hallway to the room and sat down. Nervous energy kept his leg bouncing while he silently looked around for anything that might threaten his brother.

  
[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/4716)   


It was hours later before Dean opened his eyes and stared at Bobby.

When the man’s eyes traveled around the room, Bobby shook his head. “He’s gone. Hasn’t been back.”

“Where is he?”

“No idea.”

“Good.”

The older man’s eyes flashed angrily, but he kept his voice low. “Yeah, Sam running around out there on his own is great.”  Before it could turn into an argument, Bobby sighed. “How you feeling, kid?”

“I’ll be alright.” Dean’s tone was too listless for Bobby’s liking. Reaching for the call button, he summoned a nurse to examine the hunter.

It didn’t take long for a nurse to appear. She quickly examined Dean and the way she left to contact the doctor told both men something wasn’t right. They shot questioning glances at each other, but before either could actually voice their apprehension, the surgeon appeared.

“I just need to take a quick look. If you don’t mind?”

Nodding to the doctor, Bobby stood and left the room. His intention was to stand outside the door and wait. Devil’s trap, salt, or not, he wasn’t about to leave Dean injured and alone with someone he didn’t know.

“Bobby?”

“Am I glad to see you, kid. Wondered where you’d run off to.”

“Didn’t run off, Bobby.” Sam shook his head. “Not leaving him like this.”

“Glad to hear it. Doc’s in with him now.”

“Saw him. Why?”

“Calm down. Dean seems to be okay. Nurse checked him out, no fever or anything I could see wrong. But she hauled ass out and had the surgeon chasing me out in less than five minutes, so something’s up.”

“I don’t like it.” The almost menacing tone to Sam’s voice made Bobby reach for his arm.

“I don’t mean like that. I think the doc’s okay. Crossed salt lines and the trap on the ceiling didn’t phase him.”

“Could be an angel.”

“You know of an angel that would lie to get into the room? Come on, Sam. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think it’s related to Lillith or Cas.”

“I hate this, Bobby. I knew he’d be pissed, but…..” Tears came and the younger hunter fought them. “He was going to die. I had to do something.”

“I know, Sam. Just give him some time to figure things out.”

“Figure out what a fucking freak I am and what I’ve done to him.”

“Stop. You didn’t have a choice. No way in hell you were going to let him die, and he knows that, too.”

Knowing Bobby was right, Sam just nodded. Before they could further discuss the situation, the door to Dean’s room opened and the surgeon emerged.

“Doctor?”

“Sam. Glad to see you up and about, but make sure you take it easy.”

“How’s my brother?”

For a moment, the doctor stared at the men in front of him. “I can’t explain it. The incisions are already closed. I’d say he’d had surgery a week ago, not less than twenty-four hours.”

Bobby and Sam both had suspicions, but neither said a word. Sam knew the demon blood helped him heal. And since Dean had obviously gotten other side effects, it was a good bet that he was healing quickly because of it, too.

“When will he be released?” Sam tried to get the doctor to move along quickly.

“Originally, I would have said at least a ten days, but now? If he continues to heal at this pace, we could probably release him in a week. I’d like to run some tests.”

Knowing that meant trying to find out what was magically healing his brother, Sam turned to Bobby. A week meant maybe another two or three days before they could take him out of there. As soon as the doctor left, the two men moved to a quiet corner and began to plan Dean’s escape.  
\


	7. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/5052)

“No, Bobby. I’m just not up to it.”

“Dammit, boy. You know Sam didn’t intend for-“

“I don’t want to talk about it, Bobby. When I’m ready I’ll call him. Or you’ll tell him. I’m sure you’re talking to him.” Dean wasn’t about to admit how much having that power scared him. He couldn’t imagine having it within him whenever he decided to call upon it. And it terrified him to know that was in his brother. Part of him wanted to talk to the younger man, try to understand and help him get a grip on it. Get Ruby out of the picture. If Sam was on his own, Dean was sure Ruby was around. She’d never let a chance like this slide. That part made Dean feel guilty. As much as Sam hated to admit it out loud, the million things he did regularly actually screamed how much he needed his brother.

When the chance came for Dean to escape, it was quickly and without a lot of effort. None of the doctors expected the hunter to be able to get up and walk around. Using Bobby to keep his balance, Dean entered the hotel room and sat on the bed.

“You feelin’ alright?”

“Yeah. Actually, I feel pretty good. Tired.” He stopped for a moment, then decided to jump in. “So, I’m guessing this speedy healing was thanks to Sam, too?”

“That’s what he figures. You should-“

“Don’t say it, Bobby. I’m not ready to deal with him yet.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Jesus, I almost put him through a wall. Is that how it feels for him every time?”

“You’ll have to ask him.” Bobby’s tone told Dean that was more of a hint then a simple statement.

“What the fuck else can he do? I mean, according to Cas, he ripped Alastair to shreds. Not just exorcise, he fucking killed him.”

“Sam gave me the basics. Said he saved you and Cas.”

Green eyes met his in surprise. “Cas didn’t tell me that. Just that Sam made Alastair answer the question before he killed him.”

Trying to tread carefully, Bobby sat down in a chair facing Dean. “According to Sam, Alastair had Cas to the rails. Drawing grace and everything. Until Sam stepped in.”

Dean didn’t answer the older man. His mind was reeling. His brother had the power to actually kill demons. He’d used that power to save him and Cas. Why hadn’t Cas told him that?

Outside in the parking lot, Sam leaned against Bobby’s car. He had a room on the other side of the motel, but he hadn’t spent a total of about ten hours in it since Bobby had brought Dean back and secured him a room for a week. The thought that his brother wanted nothing to do with him cut him to the core, no matter how many times Bobby swore he’d get over it. But there was no way in hell he was going to leave his brother with all the demons and angels climbing over each other to get to him.

“Sam.”

Startled, the tall man turned to see Cas standing in front of the car. Careful to avoid the windows, Sam approached him warily. “What do you want?”

“How is Dean?”

“Healing. No thanks to you.”

“I am sorry. Why are you out here?”

“Apparently when a demon-blood infected would be boy-king donates his tainted blood to one of heaven’s chosen-“

“You gave Dean your blood?” Cas’s voice rose.

“He would have died if I hadn’t, Cas. Since you and your brothers didn’t need him at the moment and refused to heal him!” It was a struggle, but he kept his voice down. The last thing he wanted was for Dean to know he was out there.

“And the effect?”

“Well, after Dean threw me across the room with his mind, he decided that my intention was to turn him into the same kind of freak I am. He hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“I am sorry Dean was hurt.”

“Yeah, I heard you. Just not sure I believe it.” Scoffing at the angel, Sam stepped closer to the wall and sighed.

“Why are you here?”

“You think I’d leave him alone? I’m just waiting.”

“Waiting?” Cas was confused.

“For what’s next. I’m not letting anything get near him. Hunters, Demons, and Angels. All after both of us, Cas. No offense, but I’m not entirely sure about you right this minute.”

“I do not get offended by your comments.”

“Yeah, like an angel’d care what demon boy has to say, right?” Sam shook his head. “I don’t really care, right this minute. I figure I can handle a couple hunters if they show, I can take care of demons. And I’ll take on any angels that come after him. Uriel will probably smite my ass, but that’s what he’ll have to do to get near Dean.”

At that, Cas actually bristled. “Uriel is dead.”

“Best news I’ve heard all day, I won’t-“ Before Sam could finish, he found himself being hauled off the concrete by the shirt.

“Uriel was my brother.” Gripping the Winchester in an iron grip, Cas slammed him into the nearest wall. Which happened to be the window to Dean’s room. When the glass shattered, the angel dragged him back outside and shook him. Somewhere in Sam’s mind, it registered that Cas’s voice remained the emotionless tone he’d learned to associate with the angel. As if he were doing nothing more than talking to the hunter instead of physically tossing him around as if he were a toy. “He disobeyed. And he was killed for it. You have been warned repeatedly about using your powers and now you infect your brother with your demon blood.”

Even as Sam arched his back from the glass that had embedded itself, he felt himself flying into the windshield of Bobby’s car. Before he could stop his momentum, he slid off the side of the car and fell to the ground.

Unfazed by the glass and blood surrounding the hunter, Cas reached for him, lifting him easily by the arm. “I am not one of your brethren you can vanquish with a thought. I am an angel of the lord, and I will not tolerate your-“

“Cas!” Dean’s voice cut through the chaos.

The sound his brother’s body made when Cas dropped him to the ground made Dean wince, but it was Bobby that moved quickly to the younger Winchester.

“I was having a discussion with  your brother.”

Dean stared at Cas, but said nothing.

“Discussion?” Bobby’s voice was loud. “Looks to me like you got your jollies kicking the shit out of the kid.” He spied the large shards of glass and the bloody gashes in the body on the ground. “Sam? Come on, kid. Gotta patch you up.”

“D….Dean okay?” His eyes barely opened.

“Yeah, kid. He’s fine.”

When Bobby tried to get him to this feet, he almost whimpered. “Useless.”

“What?”

“Me. Useless. Ca…….shit…… can’t protect him.”

Dean continued to stare at the angel. “What did he do?”

Seeing the hazel eyes drop to the ground at the accusation, Bobby bristled. “Stuck around here to look after your sorry ass. After he saved both of your lives, from what I hear.”

“Don’t.” Sam’s voice was strained. “I’m fine.”

“You’re gonna need a fuckin’ truckload of stitches, boy.”

“Be okay.”

“Yeah, ‘cause breaking twenty-five year old plate glass with your body is good for ya. And that’s a windshield you owe me, Castiel.” Trying to figure out where to touch the man to help him, Bobby was at a loss. Almost every inch of his back and arms were bloody and shiny from the glass.  When the taller man’s knees tried to buckle, Bobby gave up trying to figure anything out and just wrapped an arm around his waist. Glass bit into him and Sam sucked in a breath. “Sorry, kid.”

“S’okay.” When he realized he was being directed at the door to Dean’s room, he shook his head and tried to pull away. “Other side.”

“What?”

The room spun and Sam almost took them both down. “My room. Other side.”

“I don’t give a shit. Gotta patch you up. Your brother still gonna be a princess about it he can go to your room. You’re in worse shape right this minute, Sam.”

“No. Dean doesn’t want me here.”

“Dean!” Bobby’s voice told the older Winchester that any argument wasn’t welcome.

Finally looking at his brother, he realized the angel had really hurt him. “Jesus. Come on, Sam. Don’t argue with Bobby. He’ll bitchslap me upside the head.”

“Not gonna hit Dean.” Sam shook his head and almost fell again.

“Think we can add concussion to blood loss.” Bobby’s eyes caught a trail of blood running down the taller man’s neck from something in his hair.

As Bobby passed Dean he nodded toward the angel. “You want to chat with him, go for it. Make damn sure he’s done using your brother for a punching bag.”

As the two hunters disappeared, Dean turned to Cas. “First thing you’re gonna do is fix that window before the hotel manager throws us out.” After the angel nodded, Dean continued. “Want to tell me why you decided to demolish the room and Bobby’s car with my brother?”

“He was……. Glad to hear of Uriel’s passing.” Abesently, Cas waved a hand and the glass reappeared in the window as if it had never been broken.

“Well, you better get your second wind. I can’t say I disagree with Sam on that. That son of a bitch has done nothing but insult us and threaten to turn my brother to dust if he doesn’t shape up.”

“Do not presume to know us, Dean. Surely you have felt it. The evil. The demon induced power that your brother decided to taint you with?”

“Whoa, what the fuck does that mean?”

“Did you not turn from him when you found out what he had chosen to do?”

“Is that what you told him?” Dean’s voice rose with his anger. “That he tainted me?”

“That is what he told me.”

The angel’s words stopped Dean. For a moment he almost said the idea was ridiculous. Then he thought about it. He was freaked. He was scared, and a million other things where this power and his brother were concerned. And it was his words that had given Sam the idea.

“Shit.” Dean sighed.

“We need to talk. Inside.”

Before Dean could say anything, Cas entered the room. Sam was stretched across the bed while Bobby cut off his shirt. The sight of the angel and Dean made Sam pull away and struggle to get to his feet.

“Will you stop!” Bobby’s voice was tired and not a little aggravated.

“Doesn’t want me here.” The words were slurred. When his vision blurred, Sam shook his head. All he managed to do was throw blood everywhere and lose his balance.

“Sam,” Dean reached for his arm to keep him on his feet. “Come here.”

Before Dean could make contact, the younger man pulled his arm away and flinched, but kept his head up. “Go ahead.”

“Go ahead and what?”

“Hit me again. S’what you want to do. Kick my ass.” His head finally fell forward and he swallowed a couple times to calm his rebelling stomach. “Won’t fight you.”

“Either one of you so much as think about taking a swing at him, we’re gonna have words.” Bobby was sick and tired of all of it.

Dean stared at Sam and for the first time in a long time really saw his kid brother. The circles under his eyes seemed to cover the top half of his cheekbones, which were sunken. Probably from lack of sleep and food. His hair was longer then Dean had ever seen it, obviously another victim of Sam’s complete lack of caring for himself. And it fell down across his eyes, which from what little Dean could see were unfocused and bloodshot. He knew exactly why Sam thought he was going to hit him, but Jesus, the kid was a mess of blood and bruises.

Sam swayed again, and Dean thought for all the times he’d teased his brother about being a tree, it wasn’t far off the mark the way he looked like he was going to topple over. “Not gonna hit you, dumbass. Don’t want you to hit the floor.”

The second Dean’s hand touched his brother, they both felt it. Sam’s knees buckled, and Dean was so shocked he wasn’t even aware they were both falling until they hit the ground. It was like a tidal wave crashing over Dean. Pain, anger, and somewhere below all that, a desperation that took his breath away. For Sam it was less intrusive, but he wasn’t ready for the steady flow of emotions that obviously weren’t his.  It took him by surprise, especially the concern he felt radiating through him from his brother. He hissed when cuts with glass embedded met the floor, but his hand gripped Dean’s arm tightly. For several seconds no one spoke as the brothers continued to stare at each other silently.  When the older Winchester began to tremble, Cas had seen enough. Gently, he pulled Dean away, unlatching his hand as he would a small child, and moving him to the opposing bed. Before either man could say a word, the angel reached down and picked Sam up with none of the gentleness he’d shown Dean. Even as the hunter twisted to get away from him, Cas placed him on the bed beside Bobby.

The older hunter bit back his thoughts on Sam’s treatment and placed his hand on a spot the boy’s back where he appeared to be injured the least. “What was that?”

“Don’t know. Some kind of connection.” Dean felt better immediately, but he was still confused.

“The demon blood.” Cas began to cursory examination of Dean. “There is no way to predict what kind of damage it will do to a full blooded human.”

All Dean had to see was Sam’s reaction to Cas’s words. The hurt look was enough to dig the big brother in him out of hiding. “Cut your shit, Cas. You want me to show you respect? You want me to do what you and your buddies need me to do? You and your friends start cutting my brother some fucking slack!”

Cas was confused. “You know that he is tainted with the blood of a demon, that is he embracing his powers-“

“And from what I hear that’s the only reason we’re both here.” Dean’s head was still spinning from what had happened between himself and his brother, but Cas was just pissing him off. “Seems to me you left out that little detail.”

“Dean-“

“Did or didn’t my brother save your ass?” Focused on the angel, he ignored his brother’s interruption.

For a long moment, Cas didn’t answer.

“Let it go, Dean.” Sam’s voice was tense as Bobby took scissors to his shirt.

“No, Sam. I won’t.” He turned back to the angel. “You’re only here because he did what you want to stand there and give him shit for doing.” Standing, Dean moved to the other bed and reached for the tweezers. He took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself before he put his hand on Sam’s back. It still felt like a surge, but this time it was calmer. Still a lot of pain, but now underneath was confusion and something else that he couldn’t put his finger on. Ignoring the older hunter and Cas, Dean began to pull glass from his brother’s body. Every time Sam hissed air through his teeth to stifle a cry, Dean felt a jolt through his body.

Closing his eyes, Sam tried to block what he was feeling. The fact that Dean was ready to go to the mat with the angel for him meant everything after the last time he’d seen his brother. He could feel the sympathy directed at him, as well as the anger directed at Cas. But he could also sense every time Dean tensed next to him and tried to help filter what his older brother was getting from him. Instinctively, he realized that he could pull back and not effect Dean as much.

Dean felt something change, but the more immediate task, that of taking care of Sam, was more important. It had been way too long since tending to Sam had been this important to him, and it occurred to him that he’d been ignoring the fact that no matter how strong Sam was, whatever he’d gotten himself involved in while Dean was gone, he still actually needed his brother. Gently, he and Bobby removed every glass shard and fragment from the numerous cuts and decided which of the cuts would require stitches. When Dean finally reached for his head, Sam’s efforts weren’t enough to stifle the sharp pain that radiated through both boys.

“Cas, get me some ice.”

Even as the angel disappeared, Dean reached for the peroxide. “Gotta clean it out. Gonna hurt, kiddo.”

“Don’t touch me.” At first Dean was confused and the younger hunter knew his brother thought he was being dismissed. “Not while you do it. Only affects you when you’re touching me. I don’t think I’ll be able to block it.”

Even though he knew Sam had something to do with the fact that he couldn’t feel as much emotion, it surprised him to hear his brother say it. Before Dean could even figure out how to move the hair without touching, Bobby beat him to it. Calloused fingers pushed back the hair to expose a growing lump with a cut at the base of Sam’s skull. Without warning, Dean poured the peroxide directly on it, watching the foam wash away the blood that had caked the long hair.

Every muscle in the six foot frame tensed, but other than a small moan he couldn’t hold back, Sam didn’t fight the sting.

“Not as bad as I thought.” Bobby’s words were soft.

“Head wounds bleed like a bitch, s’hard to tell.” Dean leaned over to get a better look. “I think if we get it cleaned we might be able to get away without shaving his entire head.”

“What?” Now Sam tried to move.

“Calm down, Samantha. Nobody’s shaving your head.” Dean felt the tension leave his body when his brother reacted to the jibe with a raised finger. “Gonna spend the next hour stitching up your back, and you’ve got a lump the size of a grapefruit on the back of your head, but God forbid we touch the hair.”

As Cas reappeared, Dean reached for the bucket of ice the angel carried. Throwing it into a towel, he held gently against his brother’s head. Pointedly ignoring the angel studying him, Dean and Bobby quietly finished cleaning and stitching all the cuts along Sam’s arms and legs. Dean experimented with whatever was happened between them by removing his hand and then touching Sam again. If he kept one hand on his brother while he administered first aid, he found the connection to be a steady almost hum instead of periodic jolts. Bobby watched both of them carefully, wondering what was going on in their heads. His instincts told him to leave them alone to work this out and he hoped it was the right thing to do.

Knowing better then to interrupt, Cas waited until Dean was finished before stepping closer. “We need to talk.”

“Outside.” The last thing Dean wanted Sam to hear was more of Cas’s commentary regarding his opinion of the younger hunter. Hoping Sam could feel what he was thinking, he reached out and gripped his leg for a moment. “I’ll be right back.” When he felt the hard muscle relax, he knew it was okay to leave him alone for a moment.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Dean turned to the angel. “You touch my brother again and you can find another stupid son of a bitch to do your dirty work.”

“Dean-“

“Don’t ‘Dean’ me. I know exactly how you feel about him. So does he. Your snide shit ends now. And you do. Not. Touch. Him. Again. We clear?”

“You’ve struck him to get your point across. It did not work. I felt possibly you did not hit him hard enough.”

Realizing that Cas really didn’t see where he’d done anything wrong, and Dean himself had set the precedent for that, guilt ate at him. “I was wrong when I did it. But I’m his brother.”

“I do not understand.”

“It means that I can bitchslap his ass and get away with it.” No, he really shouldn’t have, but he knew the angel wouldn’t understand that one. For a brief moment, Dean thought back on how many times he’d punched Sam over the last few years and how many times Sam hadn’t punched him back.

“What he has done to  you-“

“Is what he had to do. He wasn’t going to let me die anymore then I’d let him. No thanks to you, by the way.”

“I was ordered to not-“

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Orders. Until you’re ordered to come get me again, right?”

Cas didn’t answer.

“So, tell me, what the fuck good are you and your friends?”

“I am-“

“Angel of the Lord. I’ve heard that before.” His mind was still trying to process what was going on in his body, his emotions were still reacting from Sam’s, and he was still pissed at the angel for hurting his brother. It was too much and Dean stopped trying to hold back. “I’ve over it. You’ve done nothing but tell me what you think I should know. And that includes what a piece of shit you think Sam is. I even jumped his shit ten ways from Sunday because YOU convinced me I had to. But you know what? When push comes to shove right now, I trust him a hell of a lot more to have my back then you. Your so-called superiors threw both of us to the fucking wolves. We were both as good as dead. Until my brother, you know the one you keep threatening to smite and just put through two windows? Until he showed up and saved both our asses.” On a full roll, Dean moved closer. “So, I guess you’d better be god damned glad he doesn’t hold grudges like fucking angels do or your empty fucking vessel would still be in that warehouse.” The look on the angel’s face almost stopped Dean. He was obviously contemplating the hunter’s words.  Almost. “So you’d better figure out how you’re going to-“

“Dean.”

Turning, Dean realized Sam was standing at the door. A helpless Bobby was right behind him. “You know what he’s like when he wants to do something.”

Holding on to the door to keep himself on his feet, Sam looked at the two figures in front of him. “Enough, Dean. Whatever Cas thinks of me, or whatever he does to me, he pulled you out of hell.” Concussion or psychic connection, either could be blamed for the fact that Sam’s eyes watered. “He brought you back to me, and I’m too fucking grateful to him to care what he does to me.”

“He beat the shit out of you.”

“Yeah, wasn’t the first to do it and won’t be the last. Job description and all.” Sam smiled, but his older brother wasn’t amused.

“You prayed. Your entire life, Sammy. And for what? They’re dicks! Fuck them!”

Silent for a moment, Sam finally turned to the angel. “You can’t all be dicks, right?”

Cas stared at Sam silently for so long the three hunters didn’t think he was going to answer. Finally he moved closer to Sam. “I have been… a dick. You did save my life and I thank you.”

“He’s not sure he’d do it again.”

“Dean, enough, already.” Returning the angel’s stare, Sam sighed. “You’re welcome. I would do it again, you know. Dean’s just pissed at you.”

“Even though I have insulted and threatened you?”

Sam shrugged. “Already told you how I feel.”

“Yeah, Cas. Guess he doesn’t live up to your heavenly hype, does he?” Dean shrugged. “Being so evil, and all. Why would he save your life? Oh, wait, maybe he’s not the evil one, here. Maybe it’s you sons of bitches.” He’d had enough. “Come on, Sam. You need to be lying down before you tip over.”

Without another word, Dean reached for Sam, who didn’t have time to pull back his emotions. Once again, it hit them hard. They both staggered a little, but before they could even really lose their balance, Cas moved to them and gripped them both. It wasn’t lost on Sam that the angel was a lot more gentle this time when he guided them inside and to the beds.

His head pounding in time with his throbbing back, Sam immediately laid down on his side. Dean sat on the other bed and stared at him.

Bobby decided it was time to give his boys some space. “Come on, Cas. Give ‘em some space.”

The way Dean was still staring at Sam once they were alone made him nervous. Kicking off his shoes and jeans in an effort to avoid his brother, Sam finally had to lay back down and be still. Which meant facing Dean. “What?”

“Trying to figure out what the hell’s going on.”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“No, Sam, you’re not.”

As if he’d been caught in a lie, Sam sighed. “Okay, I’m not.”

“You’re not sorry you saved my life, and I’m okay with that. Twice.”

“But now you-“

“Now I know what you’re going through. At least a little.” Running his hands through his hair, Dean tried to figure out how to not turn this into the mother of all chick flicks. “Fuck it. When you hit that wall, it scared the shit out of me.”

“You didn’t know what I’d done to you.”

“Stop guessing what you think I’m thinking, dammit!” With a sigh, Dean stood. “Here. You want to know?” Before Sam could think to stop him, Dean sat down beside him and gripped his arm.

It was concern that washed over Sam the hardest when Dean made contact. Behind that came residual anger at Cas, and then finally Sam felt how much his brother still loved him. Hoping Dean could handle it, he stopped pulling back his emotions and let everything he was feeling out.

“Christ, Sam.” No anger. No pain. Nothing except how much Sam loved him. Before they actually made each other cry, Dean shook his head. “How much of the good shit did Bobby give you, bitch?” He tried to respond, hoping Sam would get it.

“Jerk.” The one word that said it all.

With that out of the way, Dean sighed. “Get some rest, bitch. Concussion duty, every two-“

“Hours, I know.”

“Tomorrow we work on trying to figure out what’s going on. Don’t want your emo running me over every time I smack your girlie ass.”

Sam snorted softly. “I’ll show you a girlie ass.”

Before the older Winchester could reply, the younger one had already drifted off to sleep. Preparing for a long night of little brother watching, Dean made a pot of coffee.  



	8. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/5361)

Jolting awake, Dean turned to the clock. “Shit.” He was on his feet and headed for Sam before he remembered waking his brother up several times before he figured the kid was going to be okay. Said brother was still asleep, flat on his stomach with his arms spread out at his sides. Which was probably the most comfortable position he could find with the numerous cuts and bruises along the back of his body. He was murmuring something and shifting almost non-stop. With the sole intention of calming him, Dean moved to the bed and reached out for him. The second he touched his brother, it hit him. A wave of desire and pure want so intense that he went from soft to rock hard in less than a second. “Jesus Christ, Sammy. Broadcasting wet dreams is going too far, kiddo.”

Now that he knew what Sam was dreaming, he realized the shifting was actually Sam’s hips driving the rest of his body as they shifted against the bed. For a brief second, the asshole big brother in him contemplated a picture. Humping the bed through a wet dream would give him enough ammo to keep Sam waxing the Impala for months. But he had his own pressing issues right now. Like pressing his hand against his own dick through his boxers. “My little brother gave me a hard on. Gotta tell ya, Sammy I don’t know whether to laugh or be worried.”

Thinking he had a while to kill before Sam woke, Dean figured what the hell. Reaching into his boxers, he thought about a small brunette he’d managed to talk to her knees a while back. Before. That thought sobered him and he almost stopped. He hadn’t been in the mood to go for anyone since he’d returned from hell. A stint down there could definitely kill the libido. Watching Sam continue to move slowly against the bed, a surge of anger hit Dean. Apparently Sam’s dick had gotten more action while he was gone then the three years before that. That fucking skank Ruby had nailed the stupid son of a bitch every chance she got. The thought of the two of them, rolling around in bed together, went through his head. She might be small, but she was a demon, so Sam probably got off on the fact that he could hold her and drive into her as hard as he could without worrying about hurting her. The slightly shifting boxer covered ass on the bed next to him was suddenly naked and driving with hard long strokes in Dean’s mind. He heard soft murmurs from the sleeping man turn to deep throaty groans. Sweat turned the long, soft hair at the back of his neck to curls and pooled a bit at the small of his back. Dean imagined every muscle rippling as he fucked with his entire body. Anger, hurt, possessiveness, and even if Dean would never admit it to himself, jealousy ran through is mind. “Wonder how well she’d get fucked with me fucking you into-“ His own orgasm washed over him and he jolted. Jesus Christ, he’d just jacked off to his brother. The fact that Sam was asleep made Dean just feel like he got away with it. Not better by any stretch. The sleeping form was still, and Dean couldn’t tell if the smell of jizz was just his or both of them. He’d have to wait until Sam woke up to see if his shorts were stuck to his-

“What the fuck?” Jumping to his feet, Dean forced himself to get his thoughts under control. He paced the small room at an almost frantic pace. This was his little brother. Not some guy he’d picked up in a freaking bar. Why the fuck was he imagining the body that he’d known since it was born naked and spread-

“Gotta stop this.” Oddly enough, it wasn’t the actual act that had him so upset. He wondered about that. The thought of Sam finding out scared him shitless. The actual thought of fucking him? Not so much. Kid was hot. He knew it from the way women and men of all ages practically melted when he flashed that combination of dimples and puppy-eyes. Women pretty much wanted to cuddle him and climb that redwood tall body with all kinds of promises. Men tended to take in the whole package. No matter how many layers Sam wore he couldn’t hide his sheer size and unmistakable strength. Men took one look and wanted to take. Harness that strength and slam him against the wall- see what it took to-

Now Dean was beginning to worry himself. Yeah, he’d had the occasional thought like that about Sam. Growing up in too small quarters, privacy a pipe dream. Both of them had grown up with sexual ambiguity, Dad too focused on the hunt and their training to really care who either of them fucked. Other than the threat of serious repercussions if they brought home some a STD or, god forbid, a kid. Cities were gays were beat up in the streets one week, cities where straight guys were the minority the next left both of them pretty much bisexual by default. So occasionally when he’d walk in on Sam changing, or getting out of the shower, he’d noticed that the kid had turned into a pretty good sex on legs billboard. With a dick big enough to actually write ‘ride me’ on it. So what? Not like he’d ever seriously entertained the thought of fucking Sam himself. Until now. Maybe. Shit.

  
[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/5906)   


It was a few hours before Sam woke. For the first few minutes, he winced as he shifted, working out the stiffness in his muscles and skin. When he finally managed to make it to his side, he noticed another stiffness. This time it was his boxers, stuck firmly to areas that were NOT appreciating the pull. It actually took him almost a full minute to process the fact that he’d had a wet dream. He hadn’t had one of those since he was a teenager after seeing Dean with-

Where did that thought come from? Shaking his head, Sam climbed slowly to his feet. His head hurt, and he felt the stitches on his back pull,  but otherwise he felt okay. He knew he’d feel a lot better after a shower.

“Look who joined the land of the living.” Dean’s voice startled him and he turned to see his brother sitting in a chair at the small table.

“Need a shower.”

“I’m inclined to agree with that. Bobby brought your stuff about an hour ago.”

“Thank god.” Rummaging through his bag, he tried to keep his back to Dean.

Dean wasn’t eager to call Sam on what he now knew was, in fact, sticky boxers. He was grateful to see Sam almost run to the bathroom and shut the door.

Standing in the hot spray, Sam tried to remember what the dream had been about. It was mostly flashes. Closing his eyes, he just let the water pound on his sore muscles. He remembered something about Ruby being naked beneath him, but when he felt himself get hard again, he remembered something different. Like the dream had taken a swift shift in another direction. His body jolted when he realized he’d dreamed about getting fucked. That alone was strange. He’d only done that a few times, and he’d never dreamed about it. Placing his hands on the wall for support, he looked up at them. Another flash from his dream gave him a picture of two very masculine hands holding his down and immobile. Still confused, Sam searched his memory for more. Suddenly his heart stopped and he grew painfully hard. The right hand had a silver ring on it. Dean’s ring. His hand barely grazed his own dick and he was shooting hard against the tile. The realization that he’d just had an orgasm almost untouched, not to mention a wet dream, about being fucked by his brother almost dropped him to his knees. Now he was confused. And scared. With their new psychic connection, how the hell was he supposed to hide this from his brother. He stood in the shower  until the water was ice cold just trying to delay the inevitable. Facing Dean. Finally when he started to shiver, he knew he had to get out and begin to deal with it.

Dean was in no better shape than Sam. The only thing he kept coming up with was to not touch his brother under any circumstances. When the water turned off, he began to panic. If Sam had any idea what Dean had been thinking he’d freak. And possibly leave. Putting his head in his hands, Dean tried to stop the rising tension in his body, but he couldn’t stop himself from almost having a panic attack. With his blood pounding in his ears, he didn’t hear Sam enter the room and begin to yell his name.

When Sam finally got the courage to leave the room, he heard the rattle before he saw what was going on. Everything on the small table was vibrating. Dean had his head in his hands and his body was shaking just as hard. He yelled Dean’s name, but before he could approach his brother, he saw his Taurus literally shake across the dresser before it started to fall off. In the back of his head, he knew the odds were the safety was on, but he still dove for it just in case.

Dean forced himself to take a breath and he looked up at his brother. Rather, down at the younger man, who was stretched across the floor, holding his gun in his hand. Confused, he reached for his own weapon and stood. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Shaking his head, the earlier panic was replaced by worry. “Take a look around, Dean.”

When the hunter looked around, he saw coffee cups overturned, the extra clip to Sam’s gun on the floor, and his phone under the table at his feet. “What the fuck?”

Sitting up on the floor, Sam refused to meet his eyes.

“You?”

Long hair shook in the negative. “I’m sorry.”

“Me?” At the nod, he sighed. “Shit.”

Sam moved to sit on the end of the bed. “Dean, I…..  wish I-“

“You ever figure out how to control this shit?” After trying to avoid telling Sam he jerked off to him, he was actually relieved to have another topic to discuss.

Stunned, Sam actually didn’t answer him at first. “Not really. It happened once at the hospital, but it was only because I was upset.”

“About me, right?”

“Yeah.” He was trying to follow his brother, but couldn’t figure out where this was going.

“We gotta figure this out, Sam. Can’t have this shit going off in the middle of a hunt. We could kill each other accidentally.” Before Sam could answer, he smiled. “Could be cool as shit if we can make it work, though. Never fucking know what hit them.”

“Dude, you realize we’re talking about-“

“Yeah. I know.” Uncomfortable, Dean shrugged. “You’ve been living with this for how long, Sam? I…. I never thought about it from this side before.”

“Why would you?”

“Because I should have.” Running his hands through his short hair, the older man sighed. “I’m….. I should have. I never even wondered what this felt like. You moved a bookcase once, and I just wanted to ignore it and move on. I just sent your freakin’ gun off the dresser. I’d love to ignore this, but, I gotta tell you, Sammy, this is fucking weird. I’m not sure if it scares the shit out of me or not.”

Shrugging, Sam stared at his clasped hands in front of him. “I can’t figure out how to control the telekinesis, never really tried. Back then all of it scared me.”

“Now?”

“I don’t know. Seems to only happen when I’m really upset- and has something to do with you.”

“When I threw you into the wall, I felt this weird… I don’t know…. Sort of push…. I can’t….”

“Feels like a wave?”

Relieved, Dean nodded.

“Yeah, you were so pissed at me you didn’t have to try. When you actually have to tell it what to do it’s a little more complicated. And I’ve only been able to make it work on demons.” The implication of that hit Sam and he stood. The only thing he could do was pace back and forth. Walking out wasn’t even an option now.

“Doesn’t mean you are one, Sam.”

For a moment, Sam was actually afraid Dean had read his mind.

“The look on your face. And the fact that you always jump to the worst possible conclusion. You just said that it always had something to do with me when you start moving shit. Maybe it works that way for me, too?”

Sam was silent, contemplating Dean’s words. “Maybe.” He’d hoped the power would diminish, like it did for him if he didn’t drink. But apparently, it wasn’t going to work that way for Dean. He knew he’d have to come clean with his brother and tell him exactly how he was boosting his powers. That thought scared him worse than Dean finding out about Sam fantasizing about getting fucked by him. No way in hell was Dean ever going to understand that.

He was saved by thinking about it anymore by Dean’s phone ringing. “Yeah.” He mouthed the word ‘Bobby’ at Sam. “Sounds good.” ‘breakfast?’ to which Sam nodded. “We’ll be there.” Hanging up, he pointed to the bathroom. “Go make yourself pretty. Bobby’s waiting on us to go to breakfast.”

“We going tell Bobby everything?”

“Yes.” Dean didn’t hesitate. “He’s always stood by us. You got a problem with it?”

“No. Just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.” Back to avoiding each other’s eyes, both of them got up and got ready to go. Sam moved to the bathroom to shave, but didn’t close the door all the way.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I haven’t exactly been Dr Phil about the shit you can do.”

“Dean, you’re not Dr. Phil about anything, but that’s okay. Scares me, too.”

“I listened to them.”

“Who?”

Moving closer to the door, but still using the fact that he couldn’t see his brother to gather the courage to talk to him, Dean leaned against the wall. “Cas. Uriel. Fucking angels. I pretty much ordered you to stop using your powers, to ignore them because they told me to.”

“It’s okay, Dean.”

“No, it’s not. I never once tried to see this from your point of view.”

“You couldn’t. At least not until I had to share them with you.”

“Yeah. Scary shit, Sam.”

“I know.”

They were both silent until Sam came out and put his boots on. When he tucked his gun in the back of his waistband, Dean caught a glimpse of the patch of skin between his jeans and shirt. Memories of last night flooded Dean’s brain again. He halted for a minute, dropping his wallet to give himself a chance to hang back a second and clear his thoughts.

When Sam exited the hotel room, Bobby was standing on the sidewalk. “Guess Cas was feeling generous.”

The windshield on Bobby’s car was fixed. “Guess Dean was pissed at him.” They shared a smile.

When the door opened, Dean didn’t realize Sam hadn’t moved from the doorway until he ran into him. With no warning, Sam had no time to throw up any walls. They both stopped and stared at each other. Dean knew Sam could feel the sheer want coursing through him by the look on his face. Before he could pull away, the taller man reached out and gripped his arm.

Bobby knew something was going on, but he had no idea what. Their eyes were locked, they were holding on to each other, and they were both trembling.

What Bobby couldn’t see was that they were both instantly so hard they were in pain. The waves of shock, arousal, fear, and want flowed back and forth between them. The moment they both realized they were feeling the same thing changed everything.

“Did I do this?” Sam whispered, terrified of his brother’s answer.

“I was about to ask the same thing.”

The shared a nervous laugh.

“Somebody want to tell me what’s going on?” Bobby was still staring at them.

“Few more, a…..” Dean started.

“Things have happened.” Sam finished.

“I can tell. Like what?”

“Dean’s got telekinesis.” He was half- heartedly murmuring at Bobby, still staring at his brother.

“Shit.”

“You’re telling us.” Dean wasn’t paying any more attention to Bobby then Sam was. He was still trying to piece together what was happening between him and Sam.

“I’m thinking breakfast ain’t happening.” Bobby wondered what was going on that they weren’t telling him.

“I think Dean and I have a few things we need to get straight ourselves first, Bobby.” Pulling the key out of his pocket, he nudged Dean back towards the door. “Sorry, we’ll call you later.”

“Idjits.” With a nod Bobby got in his car and left in search of food on his own.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Dean approached his brother. “You got all that?”

“Same as you did.” Sam was smiling.

“What the fuck, Sam? Why aren’t you freaked out?”

“Seriously? Dean, do I need to spell out how freaked I am on a regular basis? To be honest, this?” He gestured between them. “I was more freaked about how you’d react when you found out.”

Now Dean laughed. “So was I.”

For a few long minutes, they stared at each other, each afraid to actually make a move. Finally Sam got tired of waiting and gripped Dean’s arm again, just to let him know what he was feeling.

“This could be a total clusterfuck, even by our standards, Sam.”

“Could be. Don’t think it will, though.”

“Why not? Seems just about everything that crosses our paths gets fucked up. What makes you so sure this won’t?”

“Dean, come on. We’re not just getting to know each other. God knows we’ve never tried to bring, what do  you call it? Our A game? Into this? Christ, I’ve seen you puking fucking Tequila after eating ribs. Doesn’t get any worse than that.”

Dean laughed. “That worm in your nose really sucks.”

“Not the point. Point is we already know just about everything there is to know about each other.” Well, there was the matter of demon blood, which Sam swore to himself he’d get around to telling Dean.  “There is nothing normal about either one of us.”

“This is just, what? One more thing?”

“God, no, Dean.” Tired of trying to explain, Sam finally reached up and put his hands on either side of his face. When his brother didn’t pull away, the taller man leaned down and kissed him.

Between the psychic sensations and the very real feel of Sam’s lips against his own, Dean never stood a chance. After about a thirty second hesitation, he gripped Sam by the shirt and shoved him into the wall.

“Shit!” Sam arched his back.

A stinging pain raced through Dean and he released his brother. “I forgot.” He’d put most of those stitches in his brother’s back, how did he forget? “I’m sorry.”

“S’okay. It’s better. Just sore.” Dragging Dean back to him, he met his brother’s lips almost violently. For a few minutes, they were content kissing, more devouring each other.

Something touched on Dean’s mind, and he ignored it at first. But it was growing stronger. Unease. Fear, maybe. And it was coming from Sam. Breaking the kiss, Dean looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”

When Sam shook his head, the older brother pushed. “No, something’s wrong. We’re either all in this or not, Sam.”  
“I’m in. God, I’m in. I just-“

“Freaking out? If you have any issues-“

“No, Dean, I swear. It’s not that. But I can’t go into this without coming clean with you about everything.”

“What do you mean, everything?” Now Dean was getting nervous and it was compounding Sam’s feelings.

Breaking away from his brother, Sam moved to the bed and sat down. “I know I told you before how lost I was while  you were gone.”

“Sam if this is about Ruby, I really don’t need to hear it. No, I really don’t WANT to hear it.” He stopped. “Unless….. you still want to-“

“NO. Not at all. I haven’t since you got back. Even though you don’t believe me.”

“I do, alright? I believe you , Sammy. So if that’s what this is about-“

“Will you please let me get this out? I’m scared shitless, here.”

“Of what?” Dean was still trying to figure out where his brother’s head was. “Us?”

“NO! Please, just let me get this out. I have to. Before….. we….” Holding his head in his hands, Sam sighed. “I got hurt. Bad. Fucking Demon almost gutted me. And I was half in the bag, which made me bleed out that must faster.”

“You went after a demon shitfaced?”

“I was never sober for a while after y- after.” His voice was soft, but Dean got two impressions. One was that his brother really didn’t want to tell him this, and two, he didn’t really want to hear it.

“I don’t remember much. Ruby was there. She got me back to the dump I was crashing in. She handed me a flask. I thought it was whiskey. But I couldn’t taste anything over the blood. I thought I’d bit my tongue or something. It gagged me, but she said I was going to die if I kept fighting her.”

Now Dean was sure he didn’t like where this was going. “What the fuck did she give you?”

Unable to answer, the younger man stared at the ground.

“Sam?” The longer it took his little brother to answer, the worse Dean was convinced the answer was.

“I found out later, I swear. By then it was too late. Even when she did tell me, I’d been drinking it for a month. And I quit. I told you I would and I did. I promise. I did. Until the angels took you and I need to find you and get you back.”

Crossing the room, Dean knelt down in front of the younger man. “What did that bitch give you?”

“Blood.” He whispered.

“Blood? You mean like-“ When Sam nodded, he stood. “And you-?” He really didn’t want to know.

“I….. I kept telling myself that it was what I had to do.”

“You kept.. .and she……” Anger took over. In a completely blind rage, Dean shoved the lamp off the table, followed by flipping the table over completely. He didn’t realize it, but everything in the room was, once again, shaking. Sam’s voice calling his name wasn’t more than a low static through his rage. It took him a few minutes, but he finally burned off enough of the initial anger to face his brother. What he saw stopped him. Once again, Sam was waiting for his older brother to unleash his anger on him.

“She dies, Sam. I’m done. That bitch dies before the sun goes down tomorrow. Are we clear on that?”

“But-“

“What?” Dean stared at the younger man. “You’re going to argue with me on this NOW? Jesus Christ, Sam. How can anything she’s done to you be okay with you?”

“Lillith. We have to-“

“FUCK LILLITH!” Gripping Sam’s shirt, he hauled his brother up to face him. “I told you before. I didn’t give a shit about finding Azazel if the cost was your life. You think I feel differently about that Lillith? No, Sam, I don’t. I can let go of all of it. You stop poisoning yourself, you stop letting Ruby lead you around, and if that means Lillith leads a long healthy life, I’ll send the bitch a fucking birthday card every god damned year. Do you get that?”

“Yeah.” Tears fell and Sam felt the emotion from Dean. His brother meant every word he was saying. It was too much for him. His body started to tremble. He’d always known Dean loved him, but he’d never imagined how much until that moment.

“Can you give it up? You keep saying it’s for me.” Pushing the hair back off his brother’s face, he moved closer, hoping Sam really understood. “Well, can you walk away from it for me?”

He felt the shift in Sam’s emotions before Sam nodded. “Yeah. You’re more important.”

Satisfied with what he was feeling from Sam, Dean decided it was time. Pulling him close, Dean kissed him. Instantly he felt strong arms wrap around his body so tightly he almost couldn’t breathe.

There was nothing gentle about the way they kissed each other, both had been trying so hard to deny what they were feeling that when they finally gave in, the shared emotions took over.

For a few minutes, they seemed to be battling over dominance. But when Dean pushed Sam towards the bed, he fell willingly. It took almost a minute, which was thirty seconds too long for both of them, for Dean to remove his own shoes, Sam’s boots, and both of their pants. As he crawled up on the bed with Sam, he yanked both shirts over his own head, smiling when his brother followed suit. He wanted to run his hands all over the miles of body stretched out in front of him, but neither of them were going to be able to hold out for that.

Gripping Dean’s shoulders, Sam pulled him down to lie on top of him. They shared a sharp inhale as Sam’s stitches scratched the bedspread, but there were more important things going on at the moment. Neither of them were remotely prepared for the effect of complete skin to skin contact. Matching deep groans almost echoed in the small room and they were both lost in complete sensory overload.

“Fuck, Sammy.” Dean felt the jolt that ran through the taller man  at that. “Gotta a kink there, Sammy?” Yep. Felt it again. Smiling, Dean gripped his hair in both hands. “Knew you didn’t hate that as much as you always said you did.”

“Caught me.” Sam pulled his brother back into the kiss Dean had so rudely broken.

“Bag.”

“What?” Dean was confused.

“Bag. Aloe lotion.” At the blank look on Dean’s face, Sam laughed. “Gonna make it easier for you to fuck me.”

Hearing Sam actually say it out loud sent ripples of lust through him. Which Sam instantly felt and tried to laugh at, but couldn’t.

He forced himself to get up off his brother and go for the bag. “Aloe?”

“Got burned. It helped.”

“Gonna help with something else now.” With a grin, Dean moved back to the bed.

When he felt a finger enter him, Sam took a deep breath to try to relax.

“You okay?” Another thought occurred to Dean. “You done this before?” The thought of having to slow down would probably kill him, but if this was Sam’s first time he wasn’t going to rush it.

“Couple times. Been a while. For Christ’s sake, don’t stop.”

With that, Dean went for it. A second finger joined the first quickly, twisting and stretching Sam. The first time his finger brushed the small bundle of nerves, they both almost lost it.

The sensations spiked in Sam, moving to Dean and back again. “Now.”

“You’re not-“

“Now, goddammit!”

“Pushy bitch.” As he removed his fingers and positioned himself between Sam’s legs, he couldn’t help a smirk. “Had a feeling you’d be a really toppy-ass bottom.”

“That doesn’t even make sen-“ The burn seared through him.

Dean stopped. “I’m hurting you.”

Before he could pull out, those mile long arms gripped him. “Not going to break. Won’t be over too quick this way.”

Dean couldn’t argue that point. Until he picked up on Sam’s pain, he was about to go over the edge before he was even all the way inside that heat. A shiver ran through his body and he didn’t know if it was his own lust or Sam’s. Didn’t matter. The second Sam whispered “m’good.” Dean moved.

The first time Dean slammed into him, everything both of them had ever felt for the other was overwhelming. It wasn’t going to last. On the second thrust, Dean nailed his prostrate dead on and he almost bucked his brother off when his back nearly bent in half.

“Sammy.” Dean was actually gritting his teeth trying to stay in control.

That was it. Sam managed to hold on for a couple more slams into just the right place. Then he heard his name again and it was over. Actually growling, Sam pulled Dean down to kiss him with one hand while reaching down to frantically pull himself over the edge. Sam’s body clamped down on Dean, and  for a second, Dean couldn’t even draw a breath. Both of them actually screamed as mutual orgasms ripped through them.

When Sam opened his eyes, he realized he’d actually blacked out. From the look on his brother’s face, he wasn’t the only one. Both of them smiled sheepishly at each other.

“Holy shit.” Sam’s voice cracked.

“You’re telling me.” Dean’s wasn’t any better.

An hour later the silence in the room was broken by Dean’s cell phone. Both men stirred from a sound sleep and Dean moved to answer. He stared at his brother.

“Yeah, Bobby. I think we’re okay. I think we need to lay low for a while, until we get a handle on this.” He stared at Sam. “Yeah, we’ll head out to your place tomorrow. Let me talk to Sam. Won’t cut out on you this time. Dinner. Give us an  hour?”

As soon as Dean hung up, Sam leaned towards him. “I just had the most mind blowing orgasm of my entire fucking life and you’re suggesting we cut each other off for how long at Bobby’s?”

“I know. I didn’t know what else to say to him. Bobby’s would be a good place to hole up. Not sure I want to be out in the open until we’re sure what’s going to happen with this whole thing.”

“Spit it out, Dean. I can feel you’ve got something going on, remember?”

With a sigh, Dean sat down on the bed. “I’m just… curious.”

“About?”

“Do you lose strength? Is that why you kept going back to her?”

“I think so. I… it’s really hard to explain.”

“Not really. Sam, I can deal with the fact that you can pull demons. Hell, I can deal with the fact that you can kill them. But I saw you after you took care of Samhain. I thought it was going to kill you.”

“He was going to kill me if I didn’t-“ Sam’s voice sounded defensive and almost panicked. Dean realized he was the reason for that.

“I’m not pissed about it. I’m trying to figure this out. If it works the same way with me, shouldn’t I have lost the psychic shit and telekinesis?”

“I don’t know, Dean. I haven’t tried to use the telekinesis in a long time. I’ve never had any kind of psychic connection with anyone, so I have no idea how that works. Doesn’t seem to be fading for either of us.”

“Maybe it’s just us or something about us?”

“Like maybe it took the demon blood to start it, but not to keep it going?” Sam turned the idea over in his head. “Maybe. We know the fact that I have…. Demon Blood,” A look of revulsion crossed his face when he said it, but before Dean could interrupt him he continued. “and you’ve been to hell? Can’t say anything about us would really surprise me at this point.”

“Whichever. Stays or goes, I’m glad it happened.” Not missing the look on his brother’s face, Dean knew he had to do something about the way Sam felt about himself. He knew it was in no small way his fault his little brother felt that way.  Moving to kiss younger man, Dean moaned at the emotion he was picking up from Sam.

“Come on, Sasquatch.” Slapping his leg, Dean stood. “Grab a shower, we go get some food with Bobby, then come back here and I take my time pounding your ass into the mattress.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Before Dean could get away, Sam gripped his arm. “Except I’m wondering how great shower sex will be.”

“Tiny shower in there,”

He knew his brother was contemplating it. “Only one of us will be standing. I bet you look fucking amazing on your knees.”

“Gee, you say the sweetest things.”

“Not hearing the word no.”

“And you won’t, Sammy.” He grinned when a shiver ran down his brother’s spine. “But I’m not telling Bobby you fell asleep in your salad because I sucked your dick till you passed out.”

“Jesus, Dean.”

“Just Dean. Save the Jesus for after I blow you.”

Sam opened his mouth to reply, but Dean beat him to it. “Tread carefully.”

Whatever Sam was going to say would never be heard. He immediately headed for the bathroom.

“Sam?”

The unsure tone of Dean’s voice stopped him. “What’s wrong?”

“One thing.”

“Whatever it is, I’ll do it.” The look on the taller hunter’s face told Dean that he meant it. Anything his brother asked of him at that moment, Sam would do it.

“Ruby.”

Sam paled a bit, but didn’t waver. “What do you want me to do?”

“We’re going to summon her, and take her out.”

“Okay.”

“Just like that? Okay?”

Crossing the room back to Dean, the younger brother reached for him, so there would be no mistaking what he was feeling. “Ruby has always been a means to an end for me. If we’re not going to hunt Lillith I don’t need her.”

Dean melted into his brother’s kiss.  



	9. I've Never Seen Things From Your Side Epilogue

[ ](http://jasmineisland.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/381/6385)

In an abandoned warehouse a dental hygienist that was now possessed by Lillith stood over a long table. Strapped down on that table was a very terrified Ruby.

“I promise, give me one more chance.”

“You WERE our last chance. They share blood, now they share Azazel’s blood as well. And now they’re LOVERS, Ruby. You were supposed to pull them apart.”

“I can.”

“You failed. You failed me, you failed our father. It could be centauries before another vessel is born. If another one is even possible.”

“What does that mean?”

“The last two Winchesters, who happen to be MEN, are fucking EACH OTHER. That, you stupid bitch, is the end of the bloodline.”

The implications of what Lillith was saying hit Ruby. Sam and Dean were closer than ever. No rising of Lucifer. No apocalypse. Since the Winchester bloodline were the destined vessels, if the blood line ended with Sam and Dean, that would be the end of it. Sam had spent months trying to stop the apocalypse, thinking that killing Lillith would prevent it. He’d never know that he actually stopped the apocalypse by choosing his brother over revenge.

_**The End** _


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